Recent content by JMG

After her fourth face-lift, a woman went for her follow up visit. The doctor asked how she was doing, was she happy with the results, etc. "Everything seems great! However, I have noticed a new mole just below my lip. Can you tell me what happened?" The plastic surgeon looked, and said "Ma'am...

In a pile of leaves... Russel

My friends all say that a laundromat is a great place to meet women. I disagree. If she can't afford her own washer and dryer there's no way she'll be able to support my drug habit.

I must be getting desperate. I find myself flirting with women that it's hard to tell which they have more of, grandchildren or tattoos.

Her: I identify as "polyamarous". Me: That's a lot of syllables for "whore".

The three most important questions a man can ask when on a date in 2023: #1. Are you a woman? #2. Have you always been a woman? If the answer to #1 or #2 is no, then proceed to #3. Can you keep a secret?

Yeah, but I wonder if she has muscle control like that... all over.

According to a lot of the comments, most of them are probably trying to disguise their freakish hands.

Never a bad idea, but if you have a tank electric water heater, kill the breaker to that also. If you happen to have a leak with the supply turned off and it ends up draining the water heater (rare, but I've seen it), it will burn up the heating elements.

I bought a new deodorant stick the other day. The instructions read "Remove cap and push up bottom". I can barely walk, but every time I fart it smells like Right Guard.

I haven't been airborne in any manner since 1984. At that time you could smoke cigarettes in the plane. No real reason for not doing it, just no need nor desire. Weird.

What does a man say about the worst bj of his life? "It was AWESOME!"