Unsure How to Handle This....

@NorCal Boater Shawn, that's great you guys seem to communicate so well...I think it's important to express viewpoints so you can both help each other realize each other's dreams. She needs to let you fulfill your dream with respect to her concerns. I think you both are on the right path... Give her a hug for me...

I want to point out I've spent months traveling all over the USA. I did three cross country trips and seen every state. It's very cool to be on the road. I love it...No plan, no agenda..Just point to a place on the map you want to see...Air / Road / Water, doesn't matter... I'm a traveler...(
).

But, I think for my next venture out on the road (or off) I want to build an excursion 4x4....

Good luck.
 
My dad used to live in LA and I've taken many trips over to Catalina in his 55' MY. I can say I was much more afraid of what that was like vs boating here in Ponchatrain. Granted unless I'm going somewhere I never really have crossed the full lake.

I used to boat mostly in Madisonville, and would either launch there (only place I launch is the pay launch at Marina Del Ray, the right ramp is large enough for my boat) or skirt Ponchatrain up from Manchac pass. My boat is now in a slip over on the Amite river which means I never get over to Ponchatrain anymore, just stay on Maurepas (well maybe, see my other thread I just posed about sinking). But back when I trailered we used to always go to Madisonville. The boating there is mostly a quick drive and hang out, my wife really loved spending the weekend out there and going to eat at Morton's. The good part of being there is that you put almost 0 wear on your boat because you barely drive it. Now I put 3 hours on my boat each trip to the lake and back.

What all boating do you do on Ponchatrain that it gets so stressful for her? I am just curious.
 
I also boat Pontchatrain from Madisonville. The danger of the lake is the sudden and severe change in sea conditions. The lake is very large and shallow. Not sure of the max depth, but mostly I see around 15. If you are out and a storm passes on the other side, the lake will become very rough within a very short time.
I was out with two other boats when we saw the black clouds on the other side of the lake. Knowing the risks, we decided to head in. By the time we got all kids in, the gear stowed and began the return the trip, we were fighting 3+ seas. Two of the three of us were larger boats. One of our group was in a bass boat that ended up sinking. We had to rescue both of the occupants. We recovered his boat a few weeks later in only 12 feet of water.
Considering the conditions, I started going to Gulfport and cruising the Mississippi Sound instead.
 
NorCal Boater said:
Four years ago my wife and I made the decision to leave Northern California and move to SE Louisiana. There were several reasons for the move. I was looking at retirement and cost of living is much, much lower; my wife's mother (84) is/was there and they have not lived near each other in 28 years; she grew up here and has family here; she is an LSU alum (well that part has been fun); and lastly, the relatively low cost of homes on the water with access to the Gulf. So we sold our 52' CPMY ($26,000 to move) and took our classic 23' Cobalt with us and moved to Covington, LA. And I do like it here....it's not Cal but there are many pluses.

As soon as I started looking at the homes with docks in the back yard, it became clear that my wife did not want to live the 50 miles away from her Mother where the waterfront homes are located. And truth be told, while the area with the homes I was interested in was mostly nice, the surrounding area was just so-so. So I reluctantly gave up my lifelong dream of living on the water. The vision of having the boat in the back yard and being able to work on it there and just pack and leave from home was dreamlike not to mention not paying slip fees.

But my other lifelong dream was to be retired and cruise to destinations (mostly coastal) at a leisurely pace enjoying the peaceful surroundings found on the water. I finished the restoration of the Cobalt last year and started looking for a suitable express cruiser. At this point, out of nowhere, my wife dropped the bombshell that she is done with big boat cruising. WTF! She always loved cruising. She now thinks we should buy a 5th wheel trailer and drive around. We already have to truck to tow with (F-250 diesel).

At this point I have absolutely no interest in doing the RV thing. I know there are really nice RV parks but I just can't see myself overnighting in a parking lot. I really enjoyed cruising for most of the day and then pulling into a new, unknown marina for the night. And I loved having a boat in a marina. It was so enjoyable be to sleep aboard even if we just stayed in our slip for the weekend. And nobody, but nobody goes down to their RV storage lot and spends the weekend in the 5th wheeler.

I've really only had 2 personal dreams/wants in my life and now to keep peace (and remain wedded) I have to give up on them. Getting older has been hard enough. Now this.... Another thing to figure out. And they say there is no stress in retirement....
Shawn
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Sir, DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR WIFE. If these are truly your life dreams then why on the hell would you allow anyone to deny you your heart felt dream lifestyle?

What is it w this notion of happy wife happy life? I call total utter bullshit on that.

There is compromise. There is sacrifice. But bailing on your dreams? NFW!

I moved from south Florida to a small suburb north of Chicago after getting married because wife is from here, her family is here, and she wanted to raise our family w Midwest values. She was right. I agreed. And by coincidence my employer wanted me to startup new business in Chicago. My brother was up here so all things pointed in this direction. And I agreed I didn’t want to raise my family in South America. So I moved.

Fast forward now our son graduates high school next year. We’re moving back to Florida.

Had she even hesitated on this move it would have been fine by me. Happy to mail her postcards.

I’ve told friends and family including my wife that once junior graduates if they want to find me they’ll have to look in Florida.

She can come, or not come.

This is “my time” now.

Rant over.
 
Several years ago I was in the boat market and had two boats fail survey back to back. I was so frustrated with the entire process that I literally switched gears and bought a used diesel pusher for less than we anticipated spending on the boat. We have been using that a lot. Within a 2-4 hr radius of my home, we set out typically on Friday's after work to camp in the state parks. Plenty of hiking, lakes, and outdoor stuff to explore. We also take it to the beach. Two seasons ago I had the boating itch and bought a 40' cruisers yachts. Collectively they are a tad over what we planned to spend on the second boat that failed survey. I am blessed to say I have the best of both worlds at different times of the season. With that said, I'd evaluate your budget and see if you can swing both. I'd opt for the diesel pusher over the 5th wheel because the vacation starts when you leave your house in a DP. The vacation does not start in a 5th wheel until you're at your destination and you're setup. Just my 2 cents!
 
El Capitan said:
Sir, DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR WIFE. If these are truly your life dreams then why on the hell would you allow anyone to deny you your heart felt dream lifestyle?

What is it w this notion of happy wife happy life? I call total utter bullshit on that.

There is compromise. There is sacrifice. But bailing on your dreams? NFW!

I moved from south Florida to a small suburb north of Chicago after getting married because wife is from here, her family is here, and she wanted to raise our family w Midwest values. She was right. I agreed. And by coincidence my employer wanted me to startup new business in Chicago. My brother was up here so all things pointed in this direction. And I agreed I didn’t want to raise my family in South America. So I moved.

Fast forward now our son graduates high school next year. We’re moving back to Florida.

Had she even hesitated on this move it would have been fine by me. Happy to mail her postcards.

I’ve told friends and family including my wife that once junior graduates if they want to find me they’ll have to look in Florida.

She can come, or not come.

This is “my time” now.

Rant over.
Click to expand...

Maybe a bit more harsh than I would approach it, but I recently decided to make a relatively big purchase and let my better half know that I was proceeding with it. She came up with a few excuses, himed and hawed(sp?) and a few 'why dont you...' After a couple minutes of this I said, "remember the hard time I gave you about buying X Y and Z? - I need you to give me the exact same hard time". She smiled, nodded, and not another word about it has been said.
There needs to be give and take and sometimes there needs to be a polite reminder of that.

Shawn, I wish you the best...
 
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Harsh may be a tad strong of a word to describe my rant. I would describe it more as firm.

Perhaps it’s cultural or maybe more a generational thing but I don’t understand the notion of life choices being subjugated to ones spouse. Sure there’s such things as agreements and disagreements but that’s not what I’m referring to.

My point is for example the OP s story. In these matters, life decisions, where did the notion that you would sacrifice your life’s desire and let your spouse deny you your hearts desire?

Doesn’t matter if it’s the wife or the husband, matters this important need to be made by the beholder and not allowed to be denied by an unwilling spouse.

If your spouse says “no” to something this important to you, then ...
 
My wife is into horses. Once we became blessed with the means, we did the whole ranch thing, + horses + Living quarters trailer + high-end tow rig. All this time, my wife knew of my lifelong dream of owning a boat big enough to sleep on. Finally, after she had all her toys, I declared, that it was in fact, my turn. She fell all over herself in support and helped me find the boat. She insures that I spend as much time on it as possible.

More than one way to slice the happy-wife-happy-life thing. Sometimes you just have to take turns, and in my house, she always comes first.
 
El Capitan said:
Harsh may be a tad strong of a word to describe my rant. I would describe it more as firm.

Perhaps it’s cultural or maybe more a generational thing but I don’t understand the notion of life choices being subjugated to ones spouse. Sure there’s such things as agreements and disagreements but that’s not what I’m referring to.

My point is for example the OP s story. In these matters, life decisions, where did the notion that you would sacrifice your life’s desire and let your spouse deny you your hearts desire?

Doesn’t matter if it’s the wife or the husband, matters this important need to be made by the beholder and not allowed to be denied by an unwilling spouse.

If your spouse says “no” to something this important to you, then ...
Click to expand...

I heard one time something that has stuck with me. The key to a successful relationship is not how compatible you are but rather how you deal with the incompatibilities.

So to your point....we will work towards a compatible solution that satisfies both.
Shawn
 
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DWABoat and vector4....

My wife "heard" stories about how harsh the Lake can be and its made her nervous. We have always been safe boaters and her doubts are mostly based on myth. I am looking for a boat that we could take from Madisonville to say....Biloxi or Mobile for starters. This past year we went up and down the Tchefuncte and stopped for lunch. It got kind of boring. I did take one trip to Manchac. I guess I'm looking for more.

I would like to leave here and go west to Houston and south Padre Island. Or go east to the places mentioned above and then on to St Pete, Ft. Myers, Sanibel/Captiva and the Keys. I miss the destinations I guess.

As an alternative, I am also looking at bareboat charters. I know of one charter company near Tampa or Ft. Myers. We've also talked about chartering in the Virgin Islands.

Again, thanks for all the input
Shawn
 
I almost wonder if there is some way to make a legitimate "boating men's club" for situations like this where a group of men who for various spousal/family commitment reasons can't live the cruising life they want full time, but could do it part-time other than the cost headaches of solo cruiser ownership and not wanting to actually to it alone (even if they could).

Do any fractional ownership type setups of cruising boats ever really work, or does it always fall apart somehow around maintenance costs/duties, loss of interest, scheduling headaches, etc? Or does it require lifelong friends with an airtight contract and a blood oath?

My wife and I were later-in-life boaters and really enjoy our midwest lake summers on our 310. I've been pretty vocal about wanting to step up our game towards retirement, but my wife's enthusiasm I know doesn't match mine. We could swing it financially if we went all-in as liveaboards and didn't have the burden/cost of a land home as well, but I doubt my wife would be game for it, as she's already stated she wants to live in Minnesota in the summer.

We're a decade at minimum away from even beginning to actually engage in this, and I also wonder how our health, etc, will change and influence a willingness to put up with the physical demands of full time cruising, maintenance, and the practical challenges of healthcare, etc.

To complicate matters further, our good friends are trying to talk us into a different concept which involves sharing a couple of vacation homes in different parts of the country and as a group all these non-boating places keep getting mentioned and I've been kind of aggressive about "don't even talk to me about Arizona", although Las Vegas is marginally palatable due to Lake Mead -- it ain't the ocean, but it's a lot more than the 14,000 acre lake we're on, and might be a reasonable compromise (less boat than coastal cruising, fresh water, but big enough to be interesting on a part time basis).

While I'd love coastal cruising, I suspect cost, complexity, and lack of a committed shared dream on it may render it just a good nap time fantasy after reading the latest power and motor yacht.
 
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