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In a pile of leaves... Russel

My friends all say that a laundromat is a great place to meet women. I disagree. If she can't afford her own washer and dryer there's no way she'll be able to support my drug habit.

I must be getting desperate. I find myself flirting with women that it's hard to tell which they have more of, grandchildren or tattoos.

Her: I identify as "polyamarous". Me: That's a lot of syllables for "whore".

The three most important questions a man can ask when on a date in 2023: #1. Are you a woman? #2. Have you always been a woman? If the answer to #1 or #2 is no, then proceed to #3. Can you keep a secret?

Yeah, but I wonder if she has muscle control like that... all over.

According to a lot of the comments, most of them are probably trying to disguise their freakish hands.

Never a bad idea, but if you have a tank electric water heater, kill the breaker to that also. If you happen to have a leak with the supply turned off and it ends up draining the water heater (rare, but I've seen it), it will burn up the heating elements.

I bought a new deodorant stick the other day. The instructions read "Remove cap and push up bottom". I can barely walk, but every time I fart it smells like Right Guard.

I haven't been airborne in any manner since 1984. At that time you could smoke cigarettes in the plane. No real reason for not doing it, just no need nor desire. Weird.

What does a man say about the worst bj of his life? "It was AWESOME!"

Years ago I was in a "gentleman's club" in New Orleans giving a bid on some work at about 2 in the afternoon. The only stripper working at the time was about 55, covered in tats, bad c-section scar and what looked like a bullet hole in her right butt cheek. I gave her 20 bucks to get dressed.

Just wondering - how long before you figured out why the chips were soggy and bland?

Glenmorangie. The only brown liquor I ever developed a taste for.

It wasn't painful. Local anesthetic, the only sensation was pressure. I was much more nervous from watching videos of the procedure beforehand and imagining the feeling than the reality turned out to be.

I tore the meniscus in my left knee many years ago, didn't get it scoped, no insurance at time. More or less healed on its own, somewhat, stayed away from high impact activities, always a little bit trick. Reinjured it about 5 years ago, doctor did stem cell treatment - took bone marrow from my...