A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as
usual, 'I have a headache.'
'Perfect,' her husband said. 'I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with crushed aspirin. You can take
it orally, or as a suppository, it's up to you.'
A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house
with his finger.
His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but the
"Johnny!" Mom screams. "Knock it off."
You're going to break something.
He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center.
Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for the
store..... He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he
Mom comes in and while putting away the groceries gets the urge, A diarrhea
She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes.
When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing.
She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet!
She calls her doctor.
The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her
he'll be over shortly to examine everything.
When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees
and takes a long, hard look at the thing.
Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be
The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.
"Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?"
He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the
first time I've ever actually seen a fart!"
A man boarded a plane with 6 kids. After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours?"
He replied, "No, I work for a condom company and these are customer complaints."
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
Mike was going to be married to Karen so his
> Father sat him down for a little chat.
> He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something.
> On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I
> took off my pants, handed them to your Mother,
> and said, 'Here - try these on'.'
> She did and said, 'These are too big. I
> can' t wear
> I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in
> this family and I always will.' Ever since that
> night, we have never had any problems.
> ' Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be
> a good thing to try.
> On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants
> and said to Karen, 'Here - try these
> She tried them on and said, 'These are too
> large. They don't fit me.'
> Mike said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in
> this family and I always will. I don't want you
> to ever forget that.'
> Then Karen took off her panties and handed
> them to Mike. She said, 'Here- you try on
> He did and said, 'I can't ge t into your p anties.'
> Karen said, 'Exactly. And if you don't
> change your smart-ass attitude, you never will.'
Ron was in trouble.
He forgot his wedding anniversary.
His wife was really angry.
She told him, 'tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway
goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds!! AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!'
The next morning Ron got up early and left for work.
When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there
box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Ron has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.