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Results 11 to 20 of 2011
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Shelton, CT
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    2000 215EC
    Engine(s)
    5.0 EFI Mercruiser Alpha
    Posts
    2,649

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as
    usual, 'I have a headache.'
    'Perfect,' her husband said. 'I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with crushed aspirin. You can take
    it orally, or as a suppository, it's up to you.'
    ~Mark~
    "Tide the Knot"
    2000 215EC 5.0 EFI Alpha
    Shelton, CT



  2. #12
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Shelton, CT
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    2000 215EC
    Engine(s)
    5.0 EFI Mercruiser Alpha
    Posts
    2,649

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    Love, Lust and Marriage

    Love- When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
    Lust- When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
    Marriage- When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room.

    Love- When intercourse is called making love.
    Lust- When intercourse in called screwing.
    Marriage- When intercourse is a little town in Pennsylvania.

    Love- When you argue over how many kids to have.
    Lust- When you argue over w ho gets the wet spot.
    Marriage- When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids.

    Love- When you share everything you own.
    Lust- When you steal everything they own.
    Marriage- When the bank owns everything.

    Love- When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
    Lust- When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
    Marriage- When.... uh.... what's a climax.

    Love- W hen your heart flutters every time you see them.
    Lust- When your groin twitches every time you see them.
    Marriage- When your wallet empties every time you see them.

    Love- When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
    Lust- When all the songs on the radio determine how you do it.
    Marriage- When you listen to talk radio.

    Love- When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
    Lust- When staying together is something you try not to think about.
    Marriage- When just getting through the day is your only thought.

    Love- When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
    Lust- When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.
    Marriage- When you're only interested in your golf score.

    Love- When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and talk.
    Lust- When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and have sex.
    Marriage- When a rainy day means it's time to clean the basement.

    Love- You only leave the house for coffee and doughnuts.
    Lust- You only leave the house for condoms and Vaseline.
    Marriage- You only leave the house when you're allowed
    ~Mark~
    "Tide the Knot"
    2000 215EC 5.0 EFI Alpha
    Shelton, CT



  3. #13
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Shelton, CT
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    2000 215EC
    Engine(s)
    5.0 EFI Mercruiser Alpha
    Posts
    2,649

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house
    with his finger.
    His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but the
    boy continues.
    "Johnny!" Mom screams. "Knock it off."
    You're going to break something.
    He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center.
    Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for the
    store..... He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he
    leaves it..
    Mom comes in and while putting away the groceries gets the urge, A diarrhea
    run.
    She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes.
    When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing.
    She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet!
    She calls her doctor.
    The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her
    he'll be over shortly to examine everything.
    When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees
    and takes a long, hard look at the thing.
    Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be
    and POP!
    The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.
    "Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?"
    she asks.
    He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the
    first time I've ever actually seen a fart!"
    ~Mark~
    "Tide the Knot"
    2000 215EC 5.0 EFI Alpha
    Shelton, CT



  4. #14
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Cape Cod
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    2008 240DA, Garmin 545s, North Star NS100ss. MMSI#338093894
    Engine(s)
    350 Mag Seacore BR3
    Posts
    2,393

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    Now that was funny.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Shelton, CT
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    2000 215EC
    Engine(s)
    5.0 EFI Mercruiser Alpha
    Posts
    2,649

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    What do you do with 365 used condoms?
    Melt them down, make a tire and call it a GoodYear
    ~Mark~
    "Tide the Knot"
    2000 215EC 5.0 EFI Alpha
    Shelton, CT



  6. #16
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Shelton, CT
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    2000 215EC
    Engine(s)
    5.0 EFI Mercruiser Alpha
    Posts
    2,649

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    A man boarded a plane with 6 kids. After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours?"
    He replied, "No, I work for a condom company and these are customer complaints."
    ~Mark~
    "Tide the Knot"
    2000 215EC 5.0 EFI Alpha
    Shelton, CT



  7. #17
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Shelton, CT
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    2000 215EC
    Engine(s)
    5.0 EFI Mercruiser Alpha
    Posts
    2,649

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
    ~Mark~
    "Tide the Knot"
    2000 215EC 5.0 EFI Alpha
    Shelton, CT



  8. #18
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Shelton, CT
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    2000 215EC
    Engine(s)
    5.0 EFI Mercruiser Alpha
    Posts
    2,649

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    The man's pet rattle snake was so sick it couldn't shake its tail, so he took the pet to the vet. "What's the matter with my snake, Doctor?" he asked.
    "It appears to be reptile dysfunction."
    ~Mark~
    "Tide the Knot"
    2000 215EC 5.0 EFI Alpha
    Shelton, CT



  9. #19
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Shelton, CT
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    2000 215EC
    Engine(s)
    5.0 EFI Mercruiser Alpha
    Posts
    2,649

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    Mike was going to be married to Karen so his
    > Father sat him down for a little chat.
    >
    > He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something.
    > On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I
    > took off my pants, handed them to your Mother,
    > and said, 'Here - try these on'.'
    >
    > She did and said, 'These are too big. I
    > can' t wear
    > them.'
    >
    > I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in
    > this family and I always will.' Ever since that
    > night, we have never had any problems.
    >
    > ' Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be
    > a good thing to try.
    >
    > On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants
    > and said to Karen, 'Here - try these
    > on.'
    >
    > She tried them on and said, 'These are too
    > large. They don't fit me.'
    >
    > Mike said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in
    > this family and I always will. I don't want you
    > to ever forget that.'
    >
    > Then Karen took off her panties and handed
    > them to Mike. She said, 'Here- you try on
    > mine.'
    >
    > He did and said, 'I can't ge t into your p anties.'
    >
    > Karen said, 'Exactly. And if you don't
    > change your smart-ass attitude, you never will.'
    ~Mark~
    "Tide the Knot"
    2000 215EC 5.0 EFI Alpha
    Shelton, CT



  10. #20
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Shelton, CT
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    2000 215EC
    Engine(s)
    5.0 EFI Mercruiser Alpha
    Posts
    2,649

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    Ron was in trouble.
    He forgot his wedding anniversary.
    His wife was really angry.
    She told him, 'tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway
    that
    goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds!! AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!'
    The next morning Ron got up early and left for work.
    When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there
    was a
    box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and
    brought
    the box back in the house.
    She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    Ron has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.
    ~Mark~
    "Tide the Knot"
    2000 215EC 5.0 EFI Alpha
    Shelton, CT



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