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Results 2,001 to 2,010 of 2011
  1. #2001
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Cleveland, OH
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    1989 340 Sundancer Raymarine E90W Radar/Chartplotter
    Engine(s)
    Twin 454 Mercruiser 340's
    Posts
    982

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    Random thoughts and one-liners

    1. A bus station is where the bus stops. A train station is where the train stops. On your desk is a workstation.
    2. If God is watching us, the least we can do is to be entertaining.
    3. I saw a woman wearing a shirt with “GUESS” on it, so I said, “Implants?”
    4. Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
    5. You don’t need a parachute to skydive. You need one to skydive twice.
    6. My opinion may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
    7. With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
    8. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
    9. Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
    10. If Bill Gates had a dollar for every time I had to reboot my compu…. Oh, wait, he does!
    11. Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don’t make sense. Refrigerator.
    12. Cemeteries are raising the cost of burial plots, and blaming it on the cost of living.
    13. Well aren’t YOU a waste of two billion years of evolution?
    14. We are all time travelers – moving exactly at the rate of 60 minutes per hour.
    15. Smith & Wesson – the original point and click interface.
    16. The easiest job in the world is a coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst that could happen? If everything went wrong, you might get a pulse.
    17. 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them It’s either my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it’s Colin.
    18. If I’d shot you sooner, I’d be out of jail by now.
    19. My drinking team has a bowling problem.
    20. If a leper gives you the finger, should you give it back?
    21. Tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. Almost kept dying.
    22. Rap is to music as Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
    23. If a mute kid swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
    24. Should crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?

    If any of this offends you, consider the purchase of some thicker skin....
    Laurie and Mike and 'The Boat to be Named Later'

    Proud Member of the Hole in the Water Club

  2. #2002
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Tacoma, WA
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    450 Sundancer
    Engine(s)
    3126 Cat's
    Posts
    1,913

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    Mark & Lina Flaten "Lina Lina" Tacoma, WA
    1998 450 Dancer 3126 Cats
    Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat."
    Theodore Roosevelt

  3. #2003
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Tri Cities, WA
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    1995 550 Sedan Bridge, 2010 Boston Whaler 130 Super Sport, 1971 Boston Whaler 130 Sport,
    Engine(s)
    CAT 3406C's, 580hp.
    Posts
    6,423

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    What is the difference between an Islamic Wedding and a terrorist meeting?

    "Hell, I don't know. I just fly the drone."
    1995 550 Sedan Bridge "Beachcomber"
    'There is nothing-absolutely nothing half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats"
    Proud dues paying Charter Member of the Hole In The Water Club!

  4. #2004
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Tacoma, WA
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    450 Sundancer
    Engine(s)
    3126 Cat's
    Posts
    1,913

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em


    A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO COSTCO



    Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.





    What did she think I had an elephant?





    So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.





    I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)




    Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.



    I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.



    Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.









    Mark & Lina Flaten "Lina Lina" Tacoma, WA
    1998 450 Dancer 3126 Cats
    Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat."
    Theodore Roosevelt

  5. #2005
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Indiana lakes and Lake Michigan
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    97 270DA 5k Kohler A/C, 85 Monaco 197
    Engine(s)
    7.4 300hp BII, 260hp Alpha 1
    Posts
    8,017

    Re: New member Ed Spradlin

    Quote Originally Posted by edspradlin View Post
    My name is Ed Spradlin. We purchased a 2008 Sea Ray 260 in April. I look forward to communicating with fellow Sea Ray owners.
    Quote Originally Posted by ShamuToo View Post
    Gotta tell ya, Ed...that's not a very funny joke.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hampton View Post
    Hello Ed. Interesting place for a first post. Got any jokes?
    Quote Originally Posted by Hampton View Post
    Not trying to scare Ed away. WELCOME!

    Tell us about your boat(s) and the area in which you live. (And if you can, make it into a joke.)
    Apparently you did scare him away with your bullying. LOL He never made another post.

    MM
    "The further of society drifts from truth, the more it will hate those that speak it."

    George Orwell

  6. #2006
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Grand Lake of the Cherokees, Oklahoma
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    2006 Sea Ray 240 Sundeck
    Engine(s)
    350 Mag Bravo 3
    Posts
    177

    Re: New member Ed Spradlin

    A Bayliner is like a hooker. It looks good, and you think you might want it. But you know you shouldn't, and if you do, you will most likely have something you don't want after you get home.
    2006 240 Sundeck in Cinnabar Red
    350 Mag Bravo3
    A bad day at the lake is better than a good day at the office.

  7. #2007
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Grand Lake of the Cherokees, Oklahoma
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    2006 Sea Ray 240 Sundeck
    Engine(s)
    350 Mag Bravo 3
    Posts
    177

    Re: New member Ed Spradlin

    2006 240 Sundeck in Cinnabar Red
    350 Mag Bravo3
    A bad day at the lake is better than a good day at the office.

  8. #2008
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Grand Lake of the Cherokees, Oklahoma
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    2006 Sea Ray 240 Sundeck
    Engine(s)
    350 Mag Bravo 3
    Posts
    177

    Re: New member Ed Spradlin

    Buy versus Lease - an Analysis

    Buy

    The math on the Paul McCartney - Heather Mills divorce is as follows: After 5 years of marriage,hepaid her $49 million. Assuming he shared sex every night during their 5 year relationship it ended upcosting him $26,849 per occurrence.

    Lease
    On the other hand, New York Governor Elliot Spitzer's hooker, Kristen, an absolute stunner, charges $4,000 an hour. For anything!

    Had McCartney 'employed' Kristen, he would have paid $7.3 million, for an hour of sex every night for 5 years (a $41.7 million savings)
    Additional leasing value-added benefits include: a 22 year old hot babe, no begging, no coaxing, never a headache, plays all requests, no bitching or complaining or 'honey-do' lists. Best of all, she leaves after her performance and comes back when asked. All at one-seventh the cost, and without legal fees or unflattering media exposure.

    Sometimes leasing just makes more sense.
    2006 240 Sundeck in Cinnabar Red
    350 Mag Bravo3
    A bad day at the lake is better than a good day at the office.

  9. #2009
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    Florida
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    1988 300 Weekender (current) 1988 270 DA (past) 1990 250 DA (past) 1988 Laguna (past)
    Engine(s)
    twin 5.7l mercruiser inboards
    Posts
    16

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    I went to my doctor about these headaches I've been getting. He told me that whenever he gets one, his wife gives him a bj and told me I should try it. Went back to him yesterday and he asked me if it worked. I told him yes and by the way you have a lovely home.
    1988 300 Weekender (current)
    1988 270 DA (past)
    1990 250 DA (past)
    1988 Laguna (past)
    marineresale.com

  10. #2010
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    Florida
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    1988 300 Weekender (current) 1988 270 DA (past) 1990 250 DA (past) 1988 Laguna (past)
    Engine(s)
    twin 5.7l mercruiser inboards
    Posts
    16

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    A blonde, brunette and a redhead were sitting in their Gyn's office and the redhead says she heard that if the man was on top it would be a baby boy. If the woman was on top it would be a girl.
    The brunette then noticed the blonde giggling and asked her what was so funny. The blonde replied "I'm gonna have puppies!"
    1988 300 Weekender (current)
    1988 270 DA (past)
    1990 250 DA (past)
    1988 Laguna (past)
    marineresale.com

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