Partner Sites:  www.BOEmarine.com | www.CBangler.com | www.BandofBoaters.com

Page 1 of 201 1231151101 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 2008
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Tacoma, WA
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    450 Sundancer
    Engine(s)
    3126 Cat's
    Posts
    1,900

    Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    When girls don't put out!!

    This was written by a guy...it's pretty damn smart.


    Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!



    I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

    FOR EXAMPLE:

    One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

    I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

    So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..

    'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

    She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

    We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis

    I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
    Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

    I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

    Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.....but at least that ***** knows I'm smarter than her.
    Mark & Lina Flaten "Lina Lina" Tacoma, WA
    1998 450 Dancer 3126 Cats
    Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat."
    Theodore Roosevelt

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    MA & Southwest FL
    Boat
    Sea Ray 2006 260 Sundancer w/Kohler 5e Genset
    Details
    2007 RoadKing Tri-Axle Trailer towed by a 2013 Yukon XL K2500
    Engine(s)
    496 MAG Bravo III
    Posts
    1,520

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em



    Now that I'm off the floor and back to the keyboard, I don't know what the moderators will do about stuff like this, but it sure as heck is hilarious. I wish I was that smart
    Alegrias
    2006 260DA w/ 496 MAG Bravo III
    Kohler 5e
    MMSI: 338075594
    Other: 1986 Boston Whaler 11 Super Sport w/ 20HP Evinrude

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Cape Cod
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    2008 240DA, Garmin 545s, North Star NS100ss. MMSI#338093894
    Engine(s)
    350 Mag Seacore BR3
    Posts
    2,685

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em


    I was going to send this to my wife, but she has the ATM and credit cards.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    North Barnegat Bay
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    2006 320 V-Drives 6.2s, Bow Thruster, Generator, Raymarine C80, Radar, Fish Finder
    Engine(s)
    6.2 Horizons 320HP
    Posts
    1,838

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    Good one!!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    MA & Southwest FL
    Boat
    Sea Ray 2006 260 Sundancer w/Kohler 5e Genset
    Details
    2007 RoadKing Tri-Axle Trailer towed by a 2013 Yukon XL K2500
    Engine(s)
    496 MAG Bravo III
    Posts
    1,520

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    Quote Originally Posted by Jack F View Post

    I was going to send this to my wife, but she has the ATM and credit cards.
    I sent it to my wife and her family. Think that's a problem?
    Alegrias
    2006 260DA w/ 496 MAG Bravo III
    Kohler 5e
    MMSI: 338075594
    Other: 1986 Boston Whaler 11 Super Sport w/ 20HP Evinrude

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    West Babylon, NY
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    2005 280 DA, Garmin 4208 "Ship Faced"
    Engine(s)
    Twin 5.0L Merc BIII
    Posts
    570

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    Quote Originally Posted by ChuckW View Post
    I sent it to my wife and her family. Think that's a problem?
    haha NO... I just did the same!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Cape Cod
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    2008 240DA, Garmin 545s, North Star NS100ss. MMSI#338093894
    Engine(s)
    350 Mag Seacore BR3
    Posts
    2,685

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ChuckW
    I sent it to my wife and her family. Think that's a problem?

    haha NO... I just did the same!

    Quick- call the Bank and C.C company

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    370 Sundancer
    Engine(s)
    Twin 454 Mercruiser V-Drives Westerbeke genny
    Posts
    293

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    Good one.

    When I use that type of reasoning with my wife when she buys stuff or want to buy stuff and she wants to justify it , I get the: "You , you have your boat" answer....
    Big Al - 1995 SR 370 DA
    7.4 Merc - V Drives

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Buffalo, N.Y., Lake Erie
    Boat
    Searay
    Details
    330 Sundancer,
    Engine(s)
    Twin v-drives, 454 Merc's
    Posts
    65

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    A GOOD BOAT STORY.....

    They say the happiest days in life are the day you buy a boat and the day you sell it!! Well, here's a good boat story!!

    Joe and John were identical twins.

    Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to a group from out-of-state who sank it. Joe spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening. Therefore, Joe did not know that his brother John's wife had died suddenly that day.

    When Joe got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery. A kind old neighbor woman mistook him for John and said, 'I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible.'

    Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, 'Hell no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, the hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys who were looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good and smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway. The darn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle!'

    The old woman fainted.
    "Life Begins at the Waters Edge"
    Norm
    '95 330 Dancer
    454 V-Drives

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Tacoma, WA
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    450 Sundancer
    Engine(s)
    3126 Cat's
    Posts
    1,900

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    Now that cracked me up.....
    Mark & Lina Flaten "Lina Lina" Tacoma, WA
    1998 450 Dancer 3126 Cats
    Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat."
    Theodore Roosevelt

Similar Threads

  1. Lets play a stupid thread that the last post wins !!
    By Summer Fun II in forum The Tiki Bar
    Replies: 671
    Last Post: 01-21-2011, 05:38 PM
  2. Where the joke thread kemosabi?
    By sfergson727 in forum The Tiki Bar
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 07-12-2010, 06:46 PM
  3. Go to first new post/view last thread icon
    By 2000SEARAY280SS in forum ClubSeaRay.com Suggestions
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 08-03-2008, 08:00 PM
  4. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 04-06-2008, 07:53 AM
  5. joke
    By Turtlesboat in forum The Tiki Bar
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 08-12-2007, 08:26 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •