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Results 1,991 to 2,000 of 2008
  1. #1991
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Washington Park Marina, Michigan City
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    '07 340 DA, E97, A75, VV4, Soft Top '12 Boston Whaler 15 Montauk
    Engine(s)
    8.1 Mercruiser V-Drives, Mercury 60 HP Bigfoot
    Posts
    13,150

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    Why did the chicken cross the road?



    To prove to the opossum that it could be done.
    Scott of the most excellent Sea Ray "Destiny".
    "You listen. On this ship, you're to refer to me as 'idiot', not 'you captain'. I mean, you know what I mean.




    Quando omni flunkus moritati (When all else fails, play dead)
    Previous boats: '03 320 DA, '01 280 DA, '95 270 DA, '81 260 DA, '87 230 WE, '66 Boston whaler 13 sport, '75 BW 13 Sport, '87 BW 15 Supersport, '09 BW 15 Supersport and a couple of dinghies.

  2. #1992
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Location
    Napa, CA
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    Sea Ray S24. full delta enclosure. Towed by 2007 Chevy 3500 duramax/allison combo.
    Engine(s)
    350 with closed fresh water cooling
    Posts
    385

    Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    What does bill say to Hillary after sex?







    Be home in 20 mins.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  3. #1993
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Location
    Napa, CA
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    Sea Ray S24. full delta enclosure. Towed by 2007 Chevy 3500 duramax/allison combo.
    Engine(s)
    350 with closed fresh water cooling
    Posts
    385

    Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    I buy all my guns from a guy named "T-Rex"









    He's a small arms dealer.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  4. #1994
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Tacoma, WA
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    450 Sundancer
    Engine(s)
    3126 Cat's
    Posts
    1,899

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    My daughter and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.
    Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
    She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
    I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar coin back.'
    She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
    I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
    The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
    Do not confuse the people at MacD's.

    We had to have the garage door repaired.
    The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
    I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
    He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
    I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
    We haven't used that repairman since...

    I live in a semi rural area.
    We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEAR CROSSING sign on our road.
    The reason: 'Too many dears are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
    IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.
    My daughter went to a Mexican fast food and ordered a taco.
    She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
    He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

    I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
    'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
    To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
    He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

    The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
    I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.
    She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
    I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
    Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
    She is a government employee.....

    When my husband and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a
    service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
    We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
    As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
    ‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
    His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
    STAY ALERT!
    They walk among us, they breed, and they vote…....
    You now know why we have Hillary and Trump as choices people are fighting for with illogical opinions.

    Mark & Lina Flaten "Lina Lina" Tacoma, WA
    1998 450 Dancer 3126 Cats
    Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat."
    Theodore Roosevelt

  5. #1995
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    Michigan Center, MI, Penobscot, ME, Catawba Island, OH & Little River, SC
    Boat
    Sea Ray & a Trojan
    Details
    12 Meter Trojan International Motor Yacht, 1979 Sea Ray SRV300 Sedan Bridge, Dinghy: Avon R3.11
    Engine(s)
    Trojan- 454 Crusaders Sea Ray- Chrysler Crusader 360 x 2
    Posts
    503

    Thumbs up Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness, pays off now.

  6. #1996
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Location
    Houston, Texas
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    2001 Sea Ray 460 Sundancer 2014 Seadoo 155 LTD 2105 Seadoo 130 SE
    Engine(s)
    Cummins 6CTA 8.3L
    Posts
    239

    Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em




    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  7. #1997
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Tacoma, WA
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    450 Sundancer
    Engine(s)
    3126 Cat's
    Posts
    1,899

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    Old but good!





    Subject: A dog lover
    A dog lover, whose female dog came "in heat," was concerned about keeping it
    and her male separated.

    But she had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs
    apart.

    However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and
    moaning sounds.

    She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to
    disengage, as frequently happens when dogs mate.

    Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, and although
    it was very late at night, she called her vet, who answered in a very grumpy
    voice.

    After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and
    place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of
    the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to
    withdraw."

    "Do you think that will work?" she asked.

    "Just worked for me," he replied.








    Mark & Lina Flaten "Lina Lina" Tacoma, WA
    1998 450 Dancer 3126 Cats
    Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat."
    Theodore Roosevelt

  8. #1998
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Tacoma, WA
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    450 Sundancer
    Engine(s)
    3126 Cat's
    Posts
    1,899

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    Frank and Dianne were in a local shopping center just before Christmas.
    Dianne suddenly noticed that Frank was missing, and as they had a lot
    to do, she called him on his cell phone. Dianne asked, "Frank, where
    are you? You know that we have lots to do."

    Frank said, "Do you remember the jewelry store we went into about 10
    years ago, and you fell in love with a diamond necklace? I could not
    afford it at the time, and I said that one day I would get it for you."

    Little tears started to flow down Dianne's cheek, and she got all
    choked up. "Yes, I do remember that shop," she replied.

    "Well, I'm in the Hooters next to that."
    Mark & Lina Flaten "Lina Lina" Tacoma, WA
    1998 450 Dancer 3126 Cats
    Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat."
    Theodore Roosevelt

  9. #1999
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Wilson, NY
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    2001 380DA
    Engine(s)
    Twin 454 Horizons
    Posts
    121

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em




    Longish....

    Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
    Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
    "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts,
    "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
    Although impressed, Dave's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
    "No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.
    "President Obama," his boss quickly retorts.
    "Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go.
    At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a beer first and catch up."
    Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
    "Pope Francis," his boss replies.
    "Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.
    Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
    Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
    Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"
    His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the f*ck is that on the balcony with Dave?'

  10. #2000
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Tri Cities, WA
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    1995 550 Sedan Bridge, 2010 Boston Whaler 130 Super Sport, 1971 Boston Whaler 130 Sport,
    Engine(s)
    CAT 3406C's, 580hp.
    Posts
    6,626

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    The US Secret Service now has a new code phrase. When there's an active shooter near the president, instead of yelling "Mr. President, get down!" they're going to yell "Donald Duck".
    1995 550 Sedan Bridge "Beachcomber"
    'There is nothing-absolutely nothing half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats"
    Proud dues paying Charter Member of the Hole In The Water Club!

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