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Results 1,991 to 2,000 of 2008
  1. #1991
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Wilson, NY
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    2001 380DA
    Engine(s)
    Twin 454 Horizons
    Posts
    184

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em




    Longish....

    Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
    Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
    "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts,
    "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
    Although impressed, Dave's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
    "No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.
    "President Obama," his boss quickly retorts.
    "Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go.
    At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a beer first and catch up."
    Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
    "Pope Francis," his boss replies.
    "Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.
    Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
    Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
    Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"
    His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the f*ck is that on the balcony with Dave?'

  2. #1992
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Tri Cities, WA
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    1995 550 Sedan Bridge, 2010 Boston Whaler 130 Super Sport, 1971 Boston Whaler 130 Sport,
    Engine(s)
    CAT 3406C's, 580hp.
    Posts
    6,330

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    The US Secret Service now has a new code phrase. When there's an active shooter near the president, instead of yelling "Mr. President, get down!" they're going to yell "Donald Duck".
    1995 550 Sedan Bridge "Beachcomber"
    'There is nothing-absolutely nothing half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats"
    Proud dues paying Charter Member of the Hole In The Water Club!

  3. #1993
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Tacoma, WA
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    450 Sundancer
    Engine(s)
    3126 Cat's
    Posts
    1,849

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    BURGLARY IN FLORIDA (You just can't make this stuff up!!)



    When southern Florida resident Nathan Radlich's house was burglarized recently,
    thieves ignored his wide screenplasma TV, his VCR, and even left his Rolex watch.

    What they did take, however, was a white box filled with a grayish-white powder. (That's the way the police report described it.)

    A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said that it looked similar
    to high grade cocaine and they'd probably thought they'd hit the big
    time.

    Later, Nathan stood in front of numerous TV cameras and pleaded with
    the burglars: 'Please return the cremated remains of my sister,
    Gertrude. She died three years ago.'

    The next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a local drug dealer
    known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep. The white box was there too, about half of Gertrude's ashes remained.

    Scotch taped to the box was this note which said: "Hoochie sold us the bogus blow so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard feelings.

    Have a nice day."

    And you thought California was the land of fruits and nuts!

    Mark & Lina Flaten "Lina Lina" Tacoma, WA
    1998 450 Dancer 3126 Cats
    Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat."
    Theodore Roosevelt

  4. #1994
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Indiana lakes and Lake Michigan
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    97 270DA 5k Kohler A/C, 85 Monaco 197
    Engine(s)
    7.4 300hp BII, 260hp Alpha 1
    Posts
    8,006

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.

    She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

    Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately.

    The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

    The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week Can you do this?"

    The husband thought for a moment and replied,.. "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Friday's, I fish!

    MM
    "The further of society drifts from truth, the more it will hate those that speak it."

    George Orwell

  5. #1995
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Indiana lakes and Lake Michigan
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    97 270DA 5k Kohler A/C, 85 Monaco 197
    Engine(s)
    7.4 300hp BII, 260hp Alpha 1
    Posts
    8,006

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    Eight year old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good, mostly A's and a couple of B's. However,

    her teacher had written across the bottom:

    "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."

    Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back:

    "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."

    MM
    "The further of society drifts from truth, the more it will hate those that speak it."

    George Orwell

  6. #1996
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Indiana lakes and Lake Michigan
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    97 270DA 5k Kohler A/C, 85 Monaco 197
    Engine(s)
    7.4 300hp BII, 260hp Alpha 1
    Posts
    8,006

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    A husband and wife were having dinner at a very Fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away.

    His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!" "Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress." The wife says, "That's it; I want a divorce."

    "I understand," replies her husband,

    "But, remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Infinity or Lexus in the garage, and no more Country Club, but the decision is yours."

    Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. "Who's that woman with Jim? " she asks. "That's his mistress," replies her husband. "Ours is prettier," says the wife.

    MM
    "The further of society drifts from truth, the more it will hate those that speak it."

    George Orwell

  7. #1997
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Upper Potomac River
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    420 Sundancer 2004 Naught On Call
    Engine(s)
    Cummins 6CTA-8.3's with V-Drives 9KW Onan Genset
    Posts
    33

    Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    Boudreaux was settin on his front porch when he sees Thibdeaux running up the walk. Thibadeaux is a screaming and hollerin. Boudreaux says Cher, you best slow down, you gonna have a heart attack.

    Thibadeaux says Boudreaux, I gots good news and bad news. How you want it?

    After thinking a bit, Boudreaux says gimme to the bad news first, that way the the good news might cheer me up.

    Thibadeaux say I hate to be the to told you, but we found your mamma-in-law face down dead in the marsh last night.

    Fraught with sorrow, Boudreaux wails "No, not my momma-in-law. What could possibly make me feel better after bad news like dis?

    Thibadeaux says "dey was 10 blue crabs on her, each 12 inches from point to point. We gonna run her again tonight!"


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

  8. #1998
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Thousand Islands, Ontario, Canada
    Boat
    Searay
    Details
    "Frequent Flyer" 2002 Sundancer 360
    Engine(s)
    Merc Horizon 8.1s
    Posts
    141

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    In light of our PMs recent visit:

    Q Why did the Canadian cross the road?

    A To get to the middle!

  9. #1999
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Tri Cities, WA
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    1995 550 Sedan Bridge, 2010 Boston Whaler 130 Super Sport, 1971 Boston Whaler 130 Sport,
    Engine(s)
    CAT 3406C's, 580hp.
    Posts
    6,330

    Re: Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answered the door. She proclaimed, "I want to join your biker club." The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join. So the biker asked her, "You have a bike?" The little old lady said, "Yea, that's my Harley over there," and points to a Harley parked in the driveway. The biker asked her, "Do you smoke?" The little old lady said "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool." The biker is impressed and asked, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?" The little old lady said, "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."
    1995 550 Sedan Bridge "Beachcomber"
    'There is nothing-absolutely nothing half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats"
    Proud dues paying Charter Member of the Hole In The Water Club!

  10. #2000
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Location
    Houston, Texas
    Boat
    Sea Ray
    Details
    2001 Sea Ray 460 Sundancer 2014 Seadoo 155 LTD 2105 Seadoo 130 SE
    Engine(s)
    Cummins 6CTA 8.3L
    Posts
    478

    Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

    That is AWESOME


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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