Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

[Nater Potater]

Why is Idaho's driver's training car only available Monday through Thursday?

On weekends, the car is used for sex education.

 

[JMG]

A tourist arrives late at his hotel and, feeling like a drink, walls down the street to a bar. Seated at the bar, he orders a bourbon.

" Well, I have to tell you this is a gay bar", says the bartender. "We won't serve you unless you tell us the nickname for your penis."

"Nickname? What do you mean?" replied the man.

"For instance, mine is nicknamed M&M. Melts In Your Mouth, Not In Your Hand", said the barman.

"Yeah", said another patron at the bar. "Mine is Snickers. Really Satisfies. And his", he said, pointing to another patron, "is Skittles. Taste The Rainbow."

The tourist thought for a moment, then said "Mine's nicknamed Secret. Strong Enough For A Man, But Made For A Woman."

 

[Tripsdad]

 

[Jus Cruisin]

 

[Steve S]

 

[Gofirstclass]

Beyond a doubt, the greatest statement of all time, a rare gem, was made by Democratic House Speaker Sam Rayburn - at the first Congressional session, after Ted Kennedy was caught, on camera, having sex with one of his aides on the deck of his yacht:


"Ah see that the good Senatuh from the great state of Massa-two-shits has changed his position on off-shore drillin.”

 

[JayhawkCurtis]

 

[JayhawkCurtis]

 

[Jus Cruisin]

Parents? That was my route.

 

[Tripsdad]

Parents? That was my route.

Mine too! Uphill both ways!

 

[techmitch]

Parents? That was my route.

Mine too! Uphill both ways!

In bare feet,... and I liked it!

 

[Jus Cruisin]

Mine too! Uphill both ways!

In 6th grade I actually did have to walk 3/4 mile to get to the school bus stop. My folks moved and I didn't want to change elementary schools for one year so I caught the bus going to my old school. This was in Michigan so I had some crummy weather to deal with. No parent driving me to the stop... Parents never thought of doing that back in the early 60's. Now they drive their kids 1000 ft to the stop.

 

[Steve S]

I walked to school every day for grammar school and high school. The high school was 1 mile away... rain, shine, snow, sleet... no mountains though. I didn't buy a car until my second year in college. Rode my bike the three miles to the college until I got the car.

 

[Nater Potater]

No joke here, but I went to ISU in Pocatello, and the winters were brutal (always windy there). I told that story to my oldest, who, not too surprisingly, took it with a grain of salt. Well, a couple of years later, she went to ISU, and it wasn't too long after she started that I got a picture of her walking to class, bundled up in winter garb, to the point that she was even wearing her ski goggles! 'Warms an old mans heart...

Alright; back to the jokes, people.

 

[fr8dog]

 

[Nater Potater]

If you were six inches tall, you could still get your dog to sit, but your cat would eat you. And, to dogs, you're their master, but, to cats, you're just one of the servants.

 

[Gofirstclass]

Nate, you've never met our cat Missy. When I'm home she's on my lap. If I'm not home she's on my wife's lap. She walked with Sailor and I most mornings. She is almost more dog than cat.

 

[JayhawkCurtis]

 

[JayhawkCurtis]

 

[JayhawkCurtis]