Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

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I must be getting desperate. I find myself flirting with women that it's hard to tell which they have more of, grandchildren or tattoos.
 
Husband: I got a text from Bill he said hi
Wife: Did he say if he is ok?
Husband: I don't know I just got a text from Bill and he said hi.
Wife: did he say where he's living?
Husband: I don't know I just got a text from Bill and he said hi.
Wife: how is his wife and kids doing?
Husband: I don't know I just got a text from Bill and he said hi.
Wife: why didn't you find out anything more?
Husband: Because all I got was a text from bill and he said hi.
 
Husband: I got a text from Bill he said hi
Wife: Did he say if he is ok?
Husband: I don't know I just got a text from Bill and he said hi.
Wife: did he say where he's living?
Husband: I don't know I just got a text from Bill and he said hi.
Wife: how is his wife and kids doing?
Husband: I don't know I just got a text from Bill and he said hi.
Wife: why didn't you find out anything more?
Husband: Because all I got was a text from bill and he said hi.
Sounds like a conversation between the wife and me.
 
Sounds like a conversation between the wife and me.
Actually, our conversation are like this…
I stumble out of bed to the coffee pot at 6am.
Wife says Blah blah blah blah blah, sister posted on Facebook. Son posted pictures of his dog, blah blah blah,
Me: WTF are you talking about!
Her: The cat woke me up at 3am, I didn’t sleep well. What your plans today?
Me: paint the bedroom cause your snoring sucked the paint off the walls.
And the sun hasn’t even risen yet.
 
Actually, our conversation are like this…
I stumble out of bed to the coffee pot at 6am.
Wife says Blah blah blah blah blah, sister posted on Facebook. Son posted pictures of his dog, blah blah blah,
Me: WTF are you talking about!
Her: The cat woke me up at 3am, I didn’t sleep well. What your plans today?
Me: paint the bedroom cause your snoring sucked the paint off the walls.
And the sun hasn’t even risen yet.
I don't know if it's because it's quarter to two in the morning, but that really made me laugh!
 

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