Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

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I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so

I sat down and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing,

and I said, "Nothing."

The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?"

At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.

Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?

Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion:

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case.

Time for another beer. Then maybe a nap.
 
Patricia Black was a loan officer at the bank. One day Kermit came in and asked to borrow some money.

"Certainly! " she said. "But, we'll have to have collateral to secure the loan."

"No problem!" beamed Kermit. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a crystal figurine of a unicorn leaping and placed it on Patricia's desk.

"One moment, Kermit, I need to talk with my manager", she said. Picking up the figurine she went to the manager's office.

"Mr. Kermit is here to apply for credit, but all he has for collateral is this unicorn figurine. I don't even know what you would call this."

The manager studied the crystal figurine for a moment, handed it back and said,






"It's a knick knack, Patty Black. Give the frog a loan."
 
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