Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

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At the board meeting of a big company two guys were talking. The guy named Dave proceeded to tell how popular he was. And it was proven many times over as they became friends no matter where they went. Dave was well known. Becoming quit frustrated his buddy said isn’t there anywhere you go that you will not be known. Nope Dave said. Ok Dave lets fly out to California and visit Sylvester Stallone I always wanted to meet him. No problem, Dave said. Upon arriving at Stallone’s house Dave rang the doorbell. Stallone said who is it Dave said its me Dave. Stallone yelled out get in here long time no see Dave.

His buddy frustrated ok that’s a good one. Now let’s go see the president of the United States. Dave no problem. Arriving at the at the Whitehouse a caravan was heading into the Whitehouse. Suddenly it stopped the president rolled down the window and yelled out Dave how the heck have you been doing.

Impressed but still wanting to challenge him Daves buddy said let’s fly to Rome and see the Pope. Ok that would be a fun trip Dave said.

Upon arriving at the square where the pope was to speak. Dave said I’m going to see the Pope I know the guards they will let me in. Dave later comes out on the balcony with the Pope. When he looks down, he sees his buddy laying on the ground. After finally reaching him, Dave asked what happened. When you came out on the balcony with the Pope everyone around me looked at each other and said loudly who’s that on the balcony with Dave. That’s when I fainted.
 
I bought a new deodorant stick the other day. The instructions read "Remove cap and push up bottom".

I can barely walk, but every time I fart it smells like Right Guard.
 
An elderly man rear-ended a guy driving an expensive European sports car…
Enraged, the guy hops out and confronts the old man.
He yells, "Look what you did to my car…!!!”
"You're going to give me $10,000 right now or I'm going to beat you to a pulp!"
"Oh my…" the old man said nervously, "I don't have that kind of money.”
“Let me call my son…,” he said with hope,
“he trains dolphins and he will know what to do."
"Dolphins..!?!?!" the other driver huffed, while rolling his eyes.
The old man pulled out his phone, dialed his son, and just as his son answered, the irate man snatched the phone away from the old man.
"So, YOU'RE a dolphin trainer, huh..?!?!” The irate man yelled, “Well, your old man here just rear-ended my car and I need TEN GRAND right now, or I'm going to beat you AND your old man to a pulp…!!"
"I'll be there in 10 minutes," says the voice calmly on the other end.
Exactly 10 minutes later, a Jeep pulls up and a guy hops out and proceeds to pulverize the bully, leaving him in a heap on the side of the road.
When he finished, he walked over to his father and said….
"For the last time dad, I train Seals…
Navy Seals.”
“NOT dolphins..!!”
 
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