Sometimes family sucks

highslice

highslice

Well-Known Member
Mar 28, 2008
6,143
Table Rock Lake, Hollister Missouri
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My wife has worked in her family business for 33 years, far longer than anyone in her generation, in many roles. Her education is in accounting, but during college she developed a passion for catering. Her plan after college was to move to Chicago to work in catering (thank God she didn't or I would never have met her). But her Dad had other ideas and "shamed" her into staying in St. Louis and working as an accountant for the family business.

Fast forward to yesterday and her 2 a-hole brothers forced her out of the business while her Dad stood idle on the sidelines. My initial reaction is to want to get retribution physically. But my wife has asked me not to intervene and I have to respect her wishes. What a bunch of F'n lowlifes.

Sorry, had to vent.
 
Family - The other F-Word......20 years ago my father screwed me while I was working for him.......best thing he ever did for me
 
Who owns the company? Sounds like they all should have become 1/3 partners at some point. If not and her father still owns the company, then she needs to have a conversation with him alone. Fair is fair. Her father should give her... her fair share and then if the brothers want to buy her out, then they need to pony up the money.
 
Unless she was forced at gunpoint to stay with the business....she has some skin in the game too. And if they didn't have an agreement amongst the family, with separation terms language, shame on all of 'em equally.
 
highslice said:
My wife has worked in her family business for 33 years, far longer than anyone in her generation, in many roles. Her education is in accounting, but during college she developed a passion for catering. Her plan after college was to move to Chicago to work in catering (thank God she didn't or I would never have met her). But her Dad had other ideas and "shamed" her into staying in St. Louis and working as an accountant for the family business.

Fast forward to yesterday and her 2 a-hole brothers forced her out of the business while her Dad stood idle on the sidelines. My initial reaction is to want to get retribution physically. But my wife has asked me not to intervene and I have to respect her wishes. What a bunch of F'n lowlifes.

Sorry, had to vent.
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Sorry to hear this, I have been there before, with my own family and the exe's in-laws. The best advise I got was "Just because they are family does not mean you need to like them"
 
I like stories!
 
Golfman25 said:
Oh, have I got a story for you. I'll be back in a few. :)
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giphy.gif
 
Ok here you go. My business was started by my grandfather back in WW2. When is daughters grew up and got married, all the husbands came into the business. While his primary concern was to take care of his daughters, Gramps was able to keep everyone in their place while he was seeing who would rise to the challenge to be the next leader. Unfortunately he passed away unexpectedly before he could name a successor. It became a free for all with "the oldest" eventually taking charge. As Grandma wasn't really business savvy, so they took over much of her finances as well. They ran the company for 30+ years with the intention of squeezing everyone out and have mom transfer it to them for free. Then one day, one of the daughters said enough was enough and started pushing the issues. Well it made Wrestlemania look like child's play. A battle royal ensued and quickly blew thru $300,000+ in attorney fees. But what did they find out, you ask? Well it turns out, the eldest, concocted a plan to change my Grandfather's estate plan. His will had given the equity of the business to the daughters and allowed their mother all the income for life (no wonder they never provided a copy of the will). What they did instead was came up with a sob story that the daughters needed to "sign these papers" so their mother wouldn't be living in the streets. The daughters where trusting and naive. Eventually the daughters where given their rightful shares, and the eldest was forced out. A few long years thereafter, I was able to get the rest of the daughters bought out and consolidate ownership.

As for the OP, make sure everything is above board and transparent. This biggest problem is Dad/Mom keeping their estate plan secret. As long as she is fairly compensated, it may be a blessing in disguise. Maybe she can pursue he catering dream, minus the Chicago part. Good luck.
 
Not nearly the same, but...my brother was laid off so my dad helped him by bring him into his professional service business. They were partners for a while, then my dad retired and decided to TRANSFER the entire business to my brother. Over the objections of dad's financial advisor, and mom, there was no legal agreement drawn and no formal arrangement for compensation. My brother was supposed to pay a percentage of the business revenue but never did. Dad was too nice to do anything about it.

Not that I need the money, but it was the family business and I worked for my dad for a lot of years. My brother should have paid for the business. At the least it would have been some additional security for my mom, and then eventually some inheritance for my sister when mom passes at time point. Not just for this reason, but he's really an a$$hole that, IMO, never repaid the kindness my dad showed him. Even when dad was dying with brain cancer he was a ungrateful git that barely showed up despite living 10 minutes away. Meanwhile, I was regularly driving 160 miles each way to help out.

My brother's been a bully and an a$$hole most of my life but I tried very hard to have a relationship with him. His behavior when my dad was sick cemented it for me and I refused to let him make be feel bad ever again. I haven't spoken to him since my dad passed and I may never speak to him again.

You really can't pick your family.
 
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I took over a family business, first was in a partnership with one of my brothers but he decided 2pm was quitting time and would go to the bar until 2am, really sucked, when I put my foot though his office door one day he putt the blame on me, needless to say we had to part ways. I gave him a very lowball price for his shares of the stock and said that if he wanted to buy mine for the same price I would walk, I’m glad he took my offer because with my wife’s help, we took the business and made it very profitable. We sold the business right before COVID hit and made enough to retire at 60. As for my brother, I haven’t seen him him in many years or really care to.
 
highslice said:
My wife has worked in her family business for 33 years, far longer than anyone in her generation, in many roles. Her education is in accounting, but during college she developed a passion for catering. Her plan after college was to move to Chicago to work in catering (thank God she didn't or I would never have met her). But her Dad had other ideas and "shamed" her into staying in St. Louis and working as an accountant for the family business.

Fast forward to yesterday and her 2 a-hole brothers forced her out of the business while her Dad stood idle on the sidelines. My initial reaction is to want to get retribution physically. But my wife has asked me not to intervene and I have to respect her wishes. What a bunch of F'n lowlifes.

Sorry, had to vent.
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I watched a family destroy itself when the dad grew a dealership and the two younger sons got pushed out...it was aweful to watch even today...the two sons still have shares in it but have their lawyers sit in on the board meetings.. the older brother has controlling shares...dad passed who created this mess...he is 100% at fault. Family is no place for business without a plan
 
I respectfully declined offers to work for both my father’s and father in law’s insurance businesses. Probably one of the best decisions I ever made. No family is perfect, but we never had a disagreement about work and we all made a good living.
 
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Blueone said:
I watched a family destroy itself when the dad grew a dealership and the two younger sons got pushed out...it was aweful to watch even today...the two sons still have shares in it but have their lawyers sit in on the board meetings.. the older brother has controlling shares...dad passed who created this mess...he is 100% at fault. Family is no place for business without a plan
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Yeah, it can work with the proper plan, but it is difficult. One rule I have is several years in the the "real world" before you work for the family. The second is open and honest communication -- everything transparent and above board. It's when people play games that things go bad.
 
We had a family aviation business started in 82 that grew out of the farming operation and my dad’s medical practice. Dad was killed in a plane crash and my brother and I were left to keep things running. We got along well and actually grew the business more efficiently after Dad was gone because there was no outside income to rely on. After about three years my brother and I found our wives and we both agreed it was time to just split the sheets to avoid future turmoil. Best thing we ever did and we never looked back to see if one got a bigger piece of the pie. It didn’t matter, piece in the family was the objective and that was what we have enjoyed for thirty years
Carpe Diem
 
Family business are complicated. In non-family business generally the hierarchy of decisions is clear. In a family business the bloodlines make people believe they have some kind of "right" beyond their role in the business. And the wishful thinking that somehow blood is actually thicker than water gets in the way. If you have a autocratic father (or mother I guess) that started and runs the business, they keep the BS in check. Everyone knows who is in charge. Until they are gone. Then the BS kicks in.

It is the exception that a business can thrive with some form of sibling co-leadership after the founder passes. Truly wealthy families that run large complex businesses can sometimes pull it off where there is a clear hierarchy of ability/interest in the children, and they put in place a network of advisors/trustees in the governance model for after they pass away, and there is non-family professional leadership as well. Doesn't work in smaller companies.
 
I this case, the founder was my wife's grandfather, right after WWII. He and his wife slowly and carefully grew the business. My FIL is the oldest of their 8 children. He was the only one of the 8 that had any interest in the business. It was still small and, while it provided for a family of 10, it was only modestly profitable. My wife was is the oldest of 4 children. She is also the oldest of her grandparents' 23 grandchildren. She was the only one that showed any interest in the business. She started helping her grandfather keep the books by hand in a ledger when she was 16. She brought the company to the computer accounting age while in college. Her grandparents were thrilled that she wanted to be involved and hoped she would be the one to lead the company forward. My brothers in law were not interested in the business until it became very profitable and had iron clad backing from a local bank. When they became involved, my FIL allowed them to push my wife into the background. Her grandparents were very concerned the boys were only in it to enrich themselves to the exclusion of other family members. They were right. My FIL allowed it to happen and now here we are. I do not like my brothers in law. The only reason they have not suffered broken jaws, or worse, is because I love my wife and she has asked me not to. She has asked me to stay out of this for now. But I have told her that any further inequities towards her will result in a swift and violent response from me. Of course, I will goad them into hitting me first...at the advice of counsel. Thanks for letting me vent.
 
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