Help ease a father's mind

Joint Custody

Joint Custody

Well-Known Member
Sep 20, 2017
1,266
Lake Powell Utah
Boat Info
2001 460 Sundancer
Engines
Twin Cummins 6CTA8
Looking for a little advise and just needed to vent.

Sorry not a boating issue but you all on here have lots of wisdom so any good advice would be welcomed.

My son 23 years old will be moving from Utah to Portland Maine in 12 days. He will be starting a job with the state of maine on the 19th.

We raised him to be independent and this move proves that . He is well traveled and has spent time on his own overseas and has live on his own in Utah since he was 18.

3000 miles from utah seams like a long !@#$%$% way and I have been a mess all this week knowing that the move is coming up.
He has found a good place to live in south portland. As a dad I just worry . He will know no one there and just the thought of him being alone and not knowing the area for all things needed in life has me a mess.

I am super proud of him to have the balls to do this. I know this is his adventure and i am embracing it however Maine feels like a million miles away at this point.

Any advice about how to deal with this and any of you from that area that have input would be welcomed.

Thanks
Jim
 
Man I feel for you, that is tough, it will be much worse when he has kids, living that far away from grandkids would suck.

oh sorry you were looking for advise, sorry I got nothing.
 
Joint Custody said:
Looking for a little advise and just needed to vent.

Sorry not a boating issue but you all on here have lots of wisdom so any good advice would be welcomed.

My son 23 years old will be moving from Utah to Portland Maine in 12 days. He will be starting a job with the state of maine on the 19th.

We raised him to be independent and this move proves that . He is well traveled and has spent time on his own overseas and has live on his own in Utah since he was 18.

3000 miles from utah seams like a long !@#$%$% way and I have been a mess all this week knowing that the move is coming up.
He has found a good place to live in south portland. As a dad I just worry . He will know no one there and just the thought of him being alone and not knowing the area for all things needed in life has me a mess.

I am super proud of him to have the balls to do this. I know this is his adventure and i am embracing it however Maine feels like a million miles away at this point.

Any advice about how to deal with this and any of you from that area that have input would be welcomed.

Thanks
Jim
Click to expand...
He'll be fine. And with all the communication options these days, he won't be far. (Remember the old days where all we had was a phone and you waited till after 10 pm to call to get the best long distance rates.)
 
Much of South Portland is extremely progressive or whatever they call it these days (moonbat). So it might be a bit of a culture shock based on what your area of Utah is like.

But Maine is an awesome state. If it turns out he doesn't like the city so much, it will be easy to get out and explore the rest of Maine ... or all of New England in general.

My brother moved far away at that age and my parents went through the same thing. Eventually he came back but this is one of those things where you have to let it happen and be as supportive as you can. That's all I got.
 
I am not a dad. My GFs father told me a similar story about when she went off to college. He is Mr. Laid Back. He did not know what was going on with him then, he could not sleep, he was upset, not eating, etc. Turns out it was anxiety. It happened again when they retired and moved from the home they raised their two daughters in the burbs "out to the country", when they inherited the family farm/land/house. He was born and raised near the country house. He again could not make sense of it. Again, it was anxiety. Retirement and the move happened very close to each other.

He went on anti-anxiety medication for a while, which helped. Now he is as happy as a pig in mud in the "new to him" home.

You are going through a life event, anticipating what could happen. I think this is normal and to be expected.

BTW, Portland, Maine is where I fly into when I used to go to Bar Harbor, amazing part of the country.
 
Maine is a beautiful state and Portland is a safe city. You can take comfort in the fact that trouble is not likely to find him where he is going.

FaceTime is a great resource to stay close from afar. You can see what he sees through the cameras eye.

Maybe you can work out a communication schedule where you speak at a certain time and day regularly. Another thought is to have planned visits at least annually but maybe biannually. That will give you something to look forward to and keep you connected.

I can’t imagine how I will feel when or if my children move away such a great distance from me. I certainly wish you the best.
 
So as you can see I’m in CT. My son went to school in Fresno CA. He came home only in his freshman year and then moved there. He is now 32 and we see him during holidays depending on his schedule.

I too raised him to be independent and he and I travelled a lot together so he very “street smart”.

He is happy and that is what is most important to me and my wife.
He calls regularly and we sure do miss him, but he is making his own life as he sees fit. He has more friends than I do now. Even some school mates ended up within driving distance and he visits them regularly too. Go figure…

Based on what you said, don’t worry, he and you will be fine!
 
I can understand what you are saying. My parents even through they are in thier 70s went through the same thing with my brother. He moved from PA to Montana this year and they are in FL. We were all concerned for him as he has been dealing with alot but he chose to move and will be fine and has great family support.
Your son will be fine. I'm sure based on your concern you raised him right and he will make you proud. Just give him that chance and he will shine.
I moved out and away and got stated at 19. I made my way with the great upbringing they gave me. I know they were worried for a while though.
It's really not so far away by jet.
 
You will get used to it. Both of my boys moved elsewhere after college. It was hardest and easiest on me when my youngest (who is a recovering alcoholic and we had a running nasty battle for a year until he got sober) decided to take a job in the town he went to school. My wife still cries when we see them and then leave, but I have made peace with it. You will too. My oldest calls his mom every week, which makes her happy.
 
I did the same at 23 years old in 1979. Moved from Eastern NC to Longview, WA. Homesick as hell for 6 months, but I was an outdoors guy and WA state has a lot of outdoors. Sparked the memories when Golfman mentions waiting to call until 10pm to get the reduced long distance rates. I would call mom and dad several times/week in the beginning. As time progressed and I became more comfortable, the calls became more infrequent. My mom used to say that she knew I was doing well when I did not call. I stayed 5 years through several evacuations for the Mt St Helens eruptions. I was in the wood products industry and the conservationist and the spotted owl became a real deal in the early 80s. By 1984, numerous production facilities were shut down. I took a nice severance package and came back east. It was an experience I would not trade anything for.

Bennett
 
"We raised him to be independent and this move proves that"

Got a little story for you.

When I speak with young parents I tell them thier first and foremost duty as a parent is to make sure thier children have the tools for success in life. This can be education, technical, morals, values,work ethic, etc. I then tell them that I am a selfish person because I like to sleep at night and the only way I can do that is to know that I have done my best as a parent to provide those tools to my child.

Sounds like you have done that. Sleep well, he will always draw from what you taught him as he adds his life experiences to your teachings.

Our son left home at 13 to go to a fulltime prep school in Va, we are 8hrs away in Ga. That was a hard decision but with a 46% drop out rate we did not have any local choices. He has thanked me a thousand times for that.

We have always been close no matter what the physical distance was. As you and yours will be.

It will be fine, he's a big boy and you did your part.
 
Joint Custody said:
Looking for a little advise and just needed to vent.

Sorry not a boating issue but you all on here have lots of wisdom so any good advice would be welcomed.

My son 23 years old will be moving from Utah to Portland Maine in 12 days. He will be starting a job with the state of maine on the 19th.

We raised him to be independent and this move proves that . He is well traveled and has spent time on his own overseas and has live on his own in Utah since he was 18.

3000 miles from utah seams like a long !@#$%$% way and I have been a mess all this week knowing that the move is coming up.
He has found a good place to live in south portland. As a dad I just worry . He will know no one there and just the thought of him being alone and not knowing the area for all things needed in life has me a mess.

I am super proud of him to have the balls to do this. I know this is his adventure and i am embracing it however Maine feels like a million miles away at this point.

Any advice about how to deal with this and any of you from that area that have input would be welcomed.

Thanks
Jim
Click to expand...
My boy moved from MD to Santa Maria CA 6/19. Broke my heart. He is in the process of moving to Tempe AZ. California was just crazy expensive. We talked yesterday. He is so excited about AZ. Loves it out west.
I have learned to be excited for him but it’s hard. He usually comes home for Christmas but with new job won’t be able this year.
I cant say you will ever get used to it. But as wife says, “it’s his life not mine“.
 
My son and I are very close and it just about killed me when he and his wife moved to Texas to take a new job. They have done well, built a new home, added on a side garage for their FW trailer and are enjoying life.

We talk a couple of times a week on the phone but it's just not the same as being able to hug him when they left after a visit with us.

He was like me, a bit of a rebel (SURPRISE, SURPRISE) but he's turned himself around, gotten a nice promotion and I'm VERY proud of what they have accomplished.

Jim, you fetched him up right and now it's his time to spread his wings and explore new territory.
 
Thank you all,

He very independent is well educated, has about 30% worth of street smarts :).. probulay more than that , is a hard worker, saves his money and mainly shops at thrift stores, loves the outdoors and has a pretty good internal compass. He has lived in downtown SLC Ut since 18 and the Portland environment isn't far off of what SLC has to offer.

I know he will be ok it is just the leading up to him moving that has me down.

I want him to live his life and I hope he finds whatever it is that he is looking for in Maine.

All your comments are helping. Thank you.
 
Lots of good boating in Maine. Move to Portland. Done.

I'm only half joking. My kids are teenagers and my wife is already emotional about them going to college and beyond. She's said more than once that they should go where ever they want, but we may have to move to close to them. She doesn't want to live on Long Island forever.
 
Tip. On the day he left to drive cross country, I said my good bye felt the weak knees and tears coming so I left the house, couldn’t watch him pull away. You may feel the same.
Ps. I had my daughter, his older sister road trip with him cross country, helped him get settled, then flew her back. If he has a brother, sister, best friend, you might want to consider that.
 
440 Jim said:
"We raised him to be independent and this move proves that"

Got a little story for you.

When I speak with young parents I tell them thier first and foremost duty as a parent is to make sure thier children have the tools for success in life. This can be education, technical, morals, values,work ethic, etc. I then tell them that I am a selfish person because I like to sleep at night and the only way I can do that is to know that I have done my best as a parent to provide those tools to my child.

Sounds like you have done that. Sleep well, he will always draw from what you taught him as he adds his life experiences to your teachings.

Our son left home at 13 to go to a fulltime prep school in Va, we are 8hrs away in Ga. That was a hard decision but with a 46% drop out rate we did not have any local choices. He has thanked me a thousand times for that.

We have always been close no matter what the physical distance was. As you and yours will be.

It will be fine, he's a big boy and you did your part.
Click to expand...
When my kids were young and they'd get pissed at me for being strict and demanding discipline from them I would tell them "God gave me a job and it is to raise you the right way so you'll have all the tools to succeed. It is not to be your friend". We are all close now and fortunately the boat brings us together multiple times during the season. My kids thank my all the time for instilling discipline in them. Both have a solid work ethic and have been financially very successful in their early careers. My youngest lost a year of school to alcohol and a semester to COVID, so he got a late start. He is an accountant like me and his Mom, and has passed his first section of the CPA exam. He is in a mid-sized CPA firm and well on his way to becoming a partner. My oldest and his wife are both very successful coders. It was hard to let them go, and I know just how JC is feeling. My kids are 28 and 25 and my wife still wants to "parent" them and tell them what to do. I have told her a million times that what we need to be now is "trusted advisors" when they ask for guidance. Our days of mandating actions are over.
 
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