Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

JimG said:
Finally, a genuine perpetual motion machine. 
301894851_5075470005891629_666491696364459719_n.jpg
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Finally, a perpetual motion machine.
 
Four kids are hanging out at the corner store. Billy is walking by when they call him over. one of the kids holds out two hands one has a quarter in it the other has two dimes. Pick one Billy. Billy picks the hand with two dimes. When asked why Billy replied there are two of them and only one in the other hand. As the kids walked away one of the kids said I told you he's a dumb ass and would pick the two dimes. The store keeper after seeing this walked out to Billy and said you are not that dumb I know you to well. Why do you pick the two dimes. Well sir if I pick the quarter, they will stop giving me money.
 
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A major new study found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I'll bet they're correct, I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

I was raised an only child, and my sister is still mad about it.

I think I would like to have kids one day. I don't think I could stand them any longer than that.

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie? A family photo.

My grandfather said I was too dependent on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

One man's trash is another man's treasure. Lovely saying, crappy way to find out you're adopted.

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater. He told me later it was the most violent book he'd ever read.

My girlfriend dumped me so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back.
 
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