Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

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Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.

When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."
 
Sexual Harassment

Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine.... He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, the woman can’t stand it anymore.

She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against the guy.

The supervisor is puzzled and asks, “What’s threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

"It's Frank. The midget."
 
Steve S said:
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Made me laugh out loud.....true story.......two summers ago the Admiral and I are on the boat for a few days. Now the deal that we made is that boating is NOT supposed to be any additional work for her. OK, I can handle that. So on one morning, I'm up in the cockpit doing morning "chores" and she opens the salon door and says "Here honey, I made you coffee". I was dumbfounded! I didn't know how to respond. I cautiously took the Yeti filled to the brim with hot coffee, looked at it, looked at her, looked back at the coffee and said "you taste it first". I thought that she was going to die she laughed so hard. It has become a standard part of my repetoire!
 
After my recent Prostate Exam, which was one of the most thorough examinations I've ever had, the Doctor left and the nurse came in.

As she shut the door, she asked me a question I didn't want to hear....

She said...."Who Was That guy?"
 
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